I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
