I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize