you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
