I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"