Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
