It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.