dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
