goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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