i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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