At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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