Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
