I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
