I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
