can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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