i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
