I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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