I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All the doctor said was why
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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