he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
