have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
