The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
