Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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