I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
