i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
