During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
