I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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