I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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