yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
