exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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