it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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