Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
