Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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