i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
