you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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