I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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