If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think i have two assholes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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