his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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