Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
