I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
