Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
