My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Boobs speak an international language.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
