I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
