Apparently you make a good broom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
