Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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