ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
