I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
