I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am midnight drunk by noon
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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