Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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