No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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