She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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