you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
