I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
organizing the empties. That sober.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
