Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
