It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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