Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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