I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
