I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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