Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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