I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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