What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
