i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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