Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
