why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
