took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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