those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
