Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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