I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
