he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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