Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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