why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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