peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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