She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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