Where is the hickey?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
