Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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