You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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