apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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