I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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