please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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