Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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