yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
nutella sex= disaster
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
